Whatever My God Ordains Is Right

Just rediscovered this song as I was looking for guitar chords for songs that I thought I had on my laptop.  Something I needed to be reminded of badly these days...

Like a tumbleweed...

Not much to write today.  Not much to write about anymore it seems.  Life feels like a grind.  As a consider my six and a half years in ministry here I wonder what I've learned.  What did I learn about Christ?  What did I learn about people?  What did I learn about life?  What did I learn about myself?  I originally went into Christian service so that I would know Jesus better, taking my cue from the Apostle Paul in Philippians 3:7-11.  But as the years go by and I struggled with all sorts of stuff from serving in an ethnic church, I ask myself, "What am I doing here????  Why am I here????"  I'm no angel myself, and so I've had to face the dark things that I've learned about myself... dark things that bubbled up to the surface in my character through the crucible of pain and being sinned against by people who claim to follow Jesus.  It's this crap in my character that makes me wonder why I am even in pastoral work.  Perhaps, as someone jokingly said before about themselves, "God called me into pastoral ministry because if I wasn't I would even be worst off!"  It's the daily immersion into God's Word that helps me keep my sanity, especially when I want to "go postal" or resort to other sinful tendencies to numb the pain.  What I really need is to run to Shepherd of my soul, who is the Source of life.

So what have I learned about my Savior and Lord during my time here?  He is the source of what I need.  Easy to write.  Easy to say.  But hard to remember and even believe when I hear, feel, smell, and can even taste the bitter darkness of people's sin against me.  Like Randy Pope would say, "sheep bite!"  Was he right!  But then again, all of this insult and emotional/psychological injury that comes with pastoral work is all part of the package/calling.  I guess it is part of the cross that we, as pastors, are called to bear.  I need to run to Christ in times like this.  Things are so dark...

moved to repent again...

Was reading and reflecting on Psalm 119:11.   I also heard this song and was moved to repent again.

Introverted Leaders?

Here's an article that I came across today that makes a case for effective leadership by people who are introverted.

http://catalystconference.com/read/what-makes-introverts-great-leaders/

Interesting.  Pastor Randy Pope, whose church numbers in the thousands, is also an introvert from what I am told.  God can use all sorts of people to lead, but the power and authority of a leader in God's kingdom flows from their relationship with the Lord.  Was Moses introverted?  I don't know, but I do know that early on, in his attempts to lead the people of Israel, the people rejected him -- and so he ran (also because Pharaoh wanted to arrest him for murder).  And throughout their time in the wilderness, time and time again people questioned the authority of Moses, even his own sister and brother.  Yet, it was God who time and time again established Moses as the leader of His people.  It was Moses' relationship with the Lord that made the difference.  And another thing to note is that this relationship with the Lord was based upon grace.  Moses was called by God into this amazing relationship just because God wanted to (Exodus 3:10-17) -- even when Moses came up with all sorts of excuses.  God was gracious to Moses.

Psalm 119:4

I'm going through Psalm 119 again, verse by verse.  It helps me review some of my Hebrew, and has opened my eyes to the many ways God's grace appears in the OT, particularly in a text that celebrates the Law of God. Sorry, already did vv.1-3 so I will not write much about them (maybe later...).
Psa. 119:4 אַתָּה צִוִּיתָה פִקֻּדֶיךָ לִשְׁמֹר מְאֹד׃

"You have commanded Your precepts to be kept exceedingly."
אַתָּה pronoun 2ms (you)
צִוִּיתָה  piel perf 2ms (to command, charge, order)
לִשְׁמֹר qal infinitive (to keep, watch, preserve)
פִקֻּדֶיךָ ("precepts," + pronoun: "you")
מְאֹד (very, exceedingly, greatly)
In conjunction with the other verses that precede v.4, I see that God wants His commands/testimonies/precepts to be kept.  The preceding verses point out how good it is to follow God's commandments, which is also following God, walking with God, and even seeking God.  There is blessing in obeying God in that there are so many good things come from following God, walking with God, obeying God.  Because of God's great love for His people, He has commanded His people to follow Him because it is good to follow God.


Another thing to notice is that it is God's will for His children to obey.  Oftentimes I want to know "God's will for my life," "what does God want me to do... to go... to say... etc.?"  I guess this would be the "big picture" part of my life, but God wants me to be faithful in the "small" things like obeying Him in the particulars of everyday life.  Where is my heart now?  What am I idolizing now?  The Lord wants my heart focused on Him, on His ways and precepts.  This is something I still haven't learned well.

Ministry Means War: 10 Lessons Seminary Never Taught Me

This is such a cool article!  So many reminders, so many encouragements as I fight the war within and without...

Ministry Means War: 10 Lessons Seminary Never Taught Me

I guess this blog is going to be more active...

Xanga is dying and I guess I will be blogging more on Blogger now. It's not that I blog a lot to begin with. For the last several years since moving to VA I've been so tired almost all the time. Not sure why. Even when I get a lot of sleep, which is rare by the way, I still feel tired. I thought maybe I have some kind of sleep disorder. Maybe I do. I mentioned it to my doctor and he seemed to not hear me. He normally seems very responsive and experienced, but these days I am not impressed by him anymore. It seems like a lot of things in my geographical area is not impressing me anymore. The nature parks still impress me, though, but they are God's creations and I have been blessed that there are quite a bit in my area. That is one thing I will miss when I move from this place. Not sure when that will happen, but you never know. Perhaps it's about time to move on... to "shake the dust off my sandals" and move on.

sermon prep issues...

Wow, it seems like preparing and writing sermons keep getting more and more difficult. Sigh... Stuck again...

What I've Been Feeling Lately...

It seems like no one listens and hears. I repeat and repeat stuff, and it appears that what I say bounces off peoples' head. People even deny that I ever mentioned it. This has been very shocking. I am very disappointed in people... Looking forward to getting away for a few days later. I need to prepare for it, otherwise things will fall apart here. The coming weeks will be very stressful. Need to be in much prayer. It is so hard to focus and to think. It is hard to stay motivated. It is hard to remain faithful, but what keeps me going is knowing that Christ is with me. He may not be too happy with me because I am so apathetic, but at least he is still with me. I am glad that he is faithful even when I fall. I am glad that he is able to sympathize with me. He's been through worse. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. So tired.