Whatever My God Ordains Is Right

Just rediscovered this song as I was looking for guitar chords for songs that I thought I had on my laptop.  Something I needed to be reminded of badly these days...

Like a tumbleweed...

Not much to write today.  Not much to write about anymore it seems.  Life feels like a grind.  As a consider my six and a half years in ministry here I wonder what I've learned.  What did I learn about Christ?  What did I learn about people?  What did I learn about life?  What did I learn about myself?  I originally went into Christian service so that I would know Jesus better, taking my cue from the Apostle Paul in Philippians 3:7-11.  But as the years go by and I struggled with all sorts of stuff from serving in an ethnic church, I ask myself, "What am I doing here????  Why am I here????"  I'm no angel myself, and so I've had to face the dark things that I've learned about myself... dark things that bubbled up to the surface in my character through the crucible of pain and being sinned against by people who claim to follow Jesus.  It's this crap in my character that makes me wonder why I am even in pastoral work.  Perhaps, as someone jokingly said before about themselves, "God called me into pastoral ministry because if I wasn't I would even be worst off!"  It's the daily immersion into God's Word that helps me keep my sanity, especially when I want to "go postal" or resort to other sinful tendencies to numb the pain.  What I really need is to run to Shepherd of my soul, who is the Source of life.

So what have I learned about my Savior and Lord during my time here?  He is the source of what I need.  Easy to write.  Easy to say.  But hard to remember and even believe when I hear, feel, smell, and can even taste the bitter darkness of people's sin against me.  Like Randy Pope would say, "sheep bite!"  Was he right!  But then again, all of this insult and emotional/psychological injury that comes with pastoral work is all part of the package/calling.  I guess it is part of the cross that we, as pastors, are called to bear.  I need to run to Christ in times like this.  Things are so dark...